The working mama

a preview of our weekend photo shoot (love the drool!)..more to come tomorrow

As I start my 4th week (time flies!) back at work I've had some time to think about how I really feel about returning to work. Prior to going back to work the last four weeks were by far the best of my leave, Brynn was much easier to pack up and take to the store and much more content. I think I accomplished more in the last three weeks than I did my entire leave when it came to craft and house projects! But as my first day back got closer and closer I didn't feel as devastated as I thought I would. Since finding out about baby I thought I would want to work part time..or stay home for at least a year. IF I could have taken a longer leave and still returned to my current job I would have..but I don't live in Europe :) From the very beginning I set up myself up to think I was going to be devastated to return to work. As in teary eyed/sob fest/begging Kyle to let me stay home.

But it didn't happen. I was ok.

I do miss seeing Brynn during the day but for the most part I keep myself busy enough that the days fly by. I especially like the days I start at 7AM because Brynn doesn't usually wake up until 830 (or later sometimes!) and I'm home around 345/4 so I have the rest of the afternoon and evening to spend with her. One of my favorites times of day is in the morning when I wake her up to nurse before I get ready. She's so content to just snuggle and fill her belly with no distractions as I fight the urge to not fall asleep with her. When the clock will no longer let me delay the inevitable I lay her down, heavy with sleep and sneak out to shower. Of course it's hard to leave a snuggly baby but it's easier than an awake baby who has to watch you leave them behind.

I think working gives me the time to myself that I don't get when I'm home and allows be to have another identity besides mom. I also no longer think my day centers around work, work is now simply apart of my day, more of a task to achieve so I can be with my baby. Or as another working mama friend said "my day starts when I get home." When people first asked how I felt about my return I told them that I was ready but "to ask me in a few weeks" because I thought I'd have a better grasp on my true feelings. Well here we are and I still feel like it's the right decision but again "ask me a few weeks".